Who's on First, What's on Second
by Illisandria Carthain
Summary: Technically it wasn't incest; they weren't related by blood. Plus they weren't even from the same dimension. So no, it wasn't incest. And yet all four of them were surprised no one noticed what was going on. Phineas/Ferb Sorta for invertedrainbow.
1. Silence Those Tears, Silence Those Fears

(A/N: This story belongs to two people: me and invertedrainbow. Me 'cause it was my idea and invertedrainbow because I am fulfiling a wish of hers. Here is the shipping you wanted so bad, the incest that technically isn't incest. Enjoy!)

•*•*•2nd Dimension—Post-Defeat of Doofenshmirtz•*•*•

Both Phineases stared at each other with a slightly guilty look on their faces. "A-are you sure that you're okay with this Phineas?" Phineas asked.

"Positive. I think you should experience these things, right Ferb?" Phineas looked over at Ferb who gave him a cheeky thumbs-up and grin. "Right! So it's decided." A loud cry came from the portal to their left and Phineas and Ferb flinched. "It looks like that's out queue!" Phineas grabbed Phineas and Ferb by the shoulders and shoved them towards the portal, ignoring their crying protests. When the "WHUMP!" of the portal closing sounded, Phineas smiled at Ferb, "Well. _Carpe diem_!"

Ferb nodded, "_Carpe_ carp as well." Then, with a short bark of laughter, Phineas and Ferb walked back to their sister and the Resistance. _Carpe _carp indeed.

•*•*•1st Dimension—Candice•*•*•

I can remember a few things about that day right off the top of my head. The first is Phineas's face when Isabella kissed him on the lips. The second was the flash of the Amnesianator erasing the day's memories. Third - the splitting headache that followed when the effects of the Amnesianator wore off. Fourth and finally was the nagging feeling that something was slightly odd and out of place.

The day's memories began returning to me around the nighttime and even when I was going to bed I only remembered that Perry was a secret agent—Agent P of the OWCA—and that the father of Vanessa was his nemesis, the evil Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz. So, as I was tucking myself in to bed I was wondering exactly why felt off. Could it be that everything had went back to normal? No, Stacy told me, as well as Jenny, that they could remember bits and pieces and everything had definitely NOT gone back to normal. Stacy said she was never again going to passively watch Phineas and Ferb build again; she wanted IN on the action whereas Jenny only wanted to blend into the background again. She disliked the attention.

Maybe it was the fact that Perry hadn't disappeared the rest of the evening. But I suppose when I looked at Perry with a small grin on my face and softly called him "Agent P", he should've scurried off to Major Monogram and been relocated. However, his eyes widened slightly for a minute, but then he relaxed and made his "Krrrkrkkr..." sound. So maybe it was all my imagination, the whole "something isn't right" feeling.

But, just as I was falling asleep, I heard a soft sobbing sound. It was coming from Phineas and Ferb's room. I padded down the hall and pushed open the door gently. There, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest while rocking back and forth, was Ferb.

When he saw me his face lightened a smidge, but it darkened almost immediately afterwards. "H-hey Candice...," Ferb sniffled.

"Hey...what's the matter?" I sat down on his bed and wrapped my arms around his shoulders gently.

"I-I just am afraid."

"Of what? There's nothing to be afraid of?" The last bit I had intended to be a statement but it came out as a question. I don't know why.

"Of-of losing you. Of losing Perry again. Of you getting hurt and not coming back one day. Of Phineas getting broken. Of me being broken." He trained his plaintive blue eyes on my own eyes and blinked, tears glimmering as they streaked down his cheeks. "Of the future. What will and will not happen. I'm afraid to go on but I don't want to just stop here. I'm afraid that I'll change and won't be the same anymore. I'm afraid of NOT changing. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be calm and stoic and free to do as I please without fear of repercussions. I want to break the laws of physics and prove the billions of scientists in the past wrong. I want to live but I'm afraid that a little part of me will die in order for the rest of me to live. I'm afraid of death. I don't want anyone to die anymore. I don't even want the word 'death' to exist but I can't help that. I don't want to be helpless anymore. I want to BE somebody. I want to be Ferb Fletcher, universally acknowledged mechanic of epic proportions and half of the certifiably genius Flynn-Fletcher brothers. I want to be Ferb Fletcher, person of his own rights and yet I'm so afraid to leave behind Ferb Fletcher, step-brother to the amazing Candice Flynn. But I'm also afraid of losing the ones I love. I WANT to love but what if they all die or get injured because of me? I want-I want...," he rubbed his nose and sighed, suddenly at a lack of words for someone who saves all his talking for zingy one-liners and important speeches. "I want to be free. I want to be free but I'm afraid that, somehow, I would mess it up and ruin someone's life. Is it wrong of me to want to be free? Is it wrong of me to want, Candice? Should I just not want anymore?"

I was stunned - why was Ferb, silent, stoic, calm Ferb, suddenly so insecure? And what did he mean by losing Perry "again"? I shot a glance over to the monotreme and found him in Phineas's sleeping clutches, caught tight and not going anywhere. Then I turned back to Ferb and sighed, "No Ferb. It's not wrong of you to want. You're only human and humans have needs, have wants, have desires. You should always do what you want, when you can. Screw the consequences! _Carpe diem_! Seize the day! Make the most of the time you have. If there is a need in you to break the laws of physics, go ahead! If you want to be someone, then make someone of yourself. You are a lump of clay and all you have to do is mold yourself into the shape you want to be and let it settle and harden. You can be anything you want to be! If you want to be an astrophysicist then be an astrophysicist! If you want to be a mechanic then be a mechanic! It's your life, do with it what you will! Be who you want to be, do what you want to do, say what you want to say! Don't conform to some mold people put you in, break free and be whoever you want! And never, EVER never ever forget, that I am your sister and Phineas is your brother and Mom is your mom and Dad is your dad and we will always love you, no matter who you are or what you do. Understand?" I cupped my hand under his chin and wiped away some of his tears, smiling softly at him. He nodded and I pulled him close in a hug, "Good. Now it's time for you to go to sleep; it's late. Goodnight Ferb."

"G'night Candice." He pulled the covers over his chin and rolled over, a soft smile playing across his face.

"Sleep tight." I shut the door and walked back to my room, closing my door behind me. Then, just as I was snuggling under the covers with my stuffed bear, Mr. Miggins, it hit me. Just as I was brushing Ferb's hair back when he was crying, my hand felt a small seam at his forehead. He was going to sleep with a Helmet Head(TM) on! But why? I would figure that out tomorrow, today I had to sleep.

My dreams that night were plagued with sad Ferbs and Helmet Heads(TM) and cyborg platypuses. I woke up at eight in the morning feeling just as tired as last night and even more confused than before.


	2. Sneaking Inhibitions

•*•*•Candace—2nd Dimension•*•*•

Sleep had come and gone, the adults were finally getting a grasp on the fact that, not only was Doofenshmirtz gone, but that his capture (and less-than-gentle roughing up beforehand) was accomplished by the neighborhood children. My parents, as a prime example, simply could not wrap their minds around the idea of me—overprotective Candace Flynn—having lead the resistance. They had spent the better part of the evening asking me question after question about how I did it, and what I did it with, and when did I find the time to do this, and where our base of operations was, and why we didn't trust the adults to take care of it, and even who I was (because I obviously wasn't their mild-mannered daughter). It was exhausting. The weirdest part was that, during the interrogation, I had this inkling feeling that something was off. Phineas and Ferb had parted ways with other-dimension Phineas and Ferb, grabbed our now-cyborg (and admittedly cooler) platypus, and gone straight to bed. Somehow I felt as though the off feeling I was getting had to do with them. In fact, I was absolutely positive that something was wrong with Phineas and Ferb.

I waltzed over to them eating (Doofen-O's! A nutritiously EVIL part of your complete breakfast!) and smiled, "Good morning guys!"

"Morning Candace!" Phineas mumbled through a mouthful of cereal, "Sleep well?"

"Like a log." That was a lie, I was so afraid of Doofenshmirtz returning and taking away my family and the ones I care for that I stayed awake and clutched my quarterstaff the entire night. They, however, didn't need to worry about me. They had a diem to carpe.

Ferb looked at me and blinked, slowly as if he was gauging my sincerity. When I broke eye-contact and yawned slightly—albeit under my breath and through my nose—he sighed. "You didn't sleep at all, did you Candace?"

Wait, what? When was Ferb ever this astute? He was always insecure, always afraid despite the fact that it never showed on his face. Where did this confidence stem from? "I-what? What do you mea-aaaahhhh-n?"

Phineas frowned this time, the spoon halfway to his mouth. "You're yawning. Go get some sleep Candace. You need it—WILL need it—to help rebuild and govern Danville."

I snorted, "Govern? Who says I want to govern ANYTHING? Why can't I just be left alone? Why is it always 'Candace do this' or 'Candace please help us' or 'Candace, great and mighty leader of the resistance, please bless our children'? I'm not some sort of goddess or demigod to be placed on a pedestal and worshipped, asked to do every little thing that makes life easier for the mundane! I. Am. Human! That and nothing else! I spent my life just keeping you safe and that's all I even WANTED to do! I didn't want to lead the resistance that finally beat Doofenshmirtz; I didn't want to have the whole of Danville's problems shoved onto my shoulders; I didn't want for everything to blow so out of proportion! This was nothing more than a way to keep you safe! YOU and no one else! Why make me the paragon? Why make me the hero? Other Phineas and Ferb were the ones who truly beat Doofenshmirtz, not me! Why must I assume the responsibility? Why not them? Why-!"

I was cut off by a clear and sharp "aHEM!" from Ferb. My step-brother looked at me, fury flaring in his eyes, something I had never seen before from the meek Ferb. "Why? Why? Because you were selfish! You're a selfish little girl who pretends to be some sort of grownup and now is sick of the game because she has to accept the consequences of her actions. You CHOSE to start the resistance, whether for us or for them! You CHOSE to help other Phineas and Ferb! You CHOSE to rebel at that exact moment! You CHOSE to go back and help them when you could have just as easily let them die. They weren't your Phineas and Ferb, why bother? But you did. Now the whole of Danville sees you as its hero and, when you should be proud and step up to help this city regain its sense of freedom, you're moping around and complaining that you have too much responsibility. It's YOUR FAULT, not ou-theirs! Don't you DARE blame it on them. You wanted to protect us and now, in order for you to protect us, you have to step up and take charge. So suck it up and do your bloody job!" Panting, Ferb looked me in the eyes and then looked down. All the pent-up anger, all the hurt, was gone. All that was left was someone that very obviously wasn't my Ferb. You're not Ferb, and I'm disturbed 'cause you're not Ferb...

Phineas, shocked and slightly put off his breakfast, slammed his spoon down, "Ferb!"

"What?" Not-Ferb asked.

"That was uncalled for! Completely! Utterly! I...I just have no words for how wrong that was! Apologize!" When not-Ferb didn't respond Phineas stood up and walked over to him, grabbing on to the collar of his shirt, and looked him in the eyes. "Now," he growled. When that got no response he let go and pressed his forehead against not-Ferb's shoulder, "Please?"

Not-Ferb sighed and blushed slightly (blushed? What?). "Sorry Candace...I lost my temper there. That was...uncalled for." His eyes met mine and, just for a moment, I felt like I knew him like he was my Ferb. Then he broke contact and stared at the floor, "Can you ever forgive me?"

My heart melted; my Ferb or not, this was still A Ferb and Ferb, mine or not, always would be top on my list of people to love. "Yeah...," I replied gruffly, "Sorry for being a...," I wracked my brain for some British term that could describe how I acted, "Wanking twat..."

Phineas giggled slightly and whispered something into not-Ferb's ear which caused him to blush and whisper back. Phineas burst out in a peal of laughter, the deep belly-laughs you get when you haven't laughed in a long time and suddenly you do and you mean it, and his face turned a bright shade of pink. "THAT'S what that means? Where did you learn these words Candace?"

Chuckling, not-Ferb cupped his hand over Phineas's mouth and muttered, "Clap tongue." I could see Phineas's face scrunch up and then not-Ferb yelled and jerked his hand back, wiping it on Phineas's sleeveless turtleneck. "Disgusting!"

"Well at least that's all it was; imagine if that was SNOT what you thought it was." Phineas snickered and I realized, despite the fact that this wasn't OUR Ferb, he made Phineas happy. I hadn't seen Phineas smile like that, that mischievously, since he was WAY little and it was before Doofenshmirtz took over. Well...as long as he makes Phineas happy, he's alright in my book.

Ferb (because, just so long as he makes my brother happy he's Ferb) chased Phineas around the kitchen, shrieking and making monster noises. He was eliciting a loud squeal and giggling from Phineas every time he said, "I am Klimpaloon! I will destroy you! Gnyan-gnyan-gnyan-gnyan-gnyan!"

Mom and Dad walked in and stared as Phineas and Ferb with a strange look of disbelief written across their faces. "What's all this then?" Dad asked, incredulous.

Ferb stopped dead in his tracks and guiltily looked to the floor, a blush riding across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. "We were just...having fun..."

"Fun? Fun was outlawed a long time ago." Mom said, half out of habit and half out of pure spite. For some reason, she didn't want any of her children to stray outside of Doofenshmirtz's strict laws.

I shook my head, "Fun WAS outlawed a long time ago, now it's completely safe. No Normbots, no Doofenshmirtz, no RULES. For the first time in—...I don't know how long!—we don't have to obey some insane ravings of a mad scientist! And here you are finding two children having fun, using their imaginations, being CHILDREN an oddity. Something to be feared. We don't have to fear anymore! We're free!" I panted slightly from the exertion of ranting (an odd way to exert ones self but a good bout of cardio nevertheless) and then sighed, pushing my Aviators back up on the bridge of my nose. "Look," I began to explain to my scared parents, "I didn't mean to snap. I just...I worked so hard for us to be free and here you are reverting to Doofenshmirtz ways. It makes me so...mad I guess? Frustrated more like. And all I want is for this family to be the way it used to be before Doofenshmirtz took over. Like it was five years ago, y'know?"

Dad, the mousy and timid person he is, spoke up first. "Look, Candace-honey...I-I just don't know how to take all of this in. I'm unsure of how mum feels but I'm overwhelmed. To be free of Emp-Doofenshmirtz's rule after five long years of tyranny is...exhilarating to say the least. More than anything I just want to jump up and down and scream my heart out but five years of negative conditioning won't just wear off in a day. I'm still afraid that one day the Normbots will swoop in here and take you all away and-" He choked up for a second and I walked forward and hugged him.

"I know...," I whispered in his ear, "Me too Dad...I'm losing sleep over it. All you have to do now though is let go." I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, "Do you think you can do that?" He nodded and I grinned, "First things first, we need to get you some new clothes. Dooferalls are so last dictator!"

Mom cracked a smile at my joke and walked forward to envelop me in her arms. I inhaled her scent, cinnamon and fabric soap, and just held her as she begins to cry. Tears coursed down my neck and I patted her back gently. "I'm so afraid of losing you. What if you had died that day? I couldn't have taken it. I would have died with you."

"But I didn't. I'm still here and you're still here. We're all still here and all you have to do is just ask for us to come and we'll be there. Now we must look forward to the future. The future's so bright, I gotta' wear shades." Mom laughed a bit at my cheesy 80s song homage and then wiped away the tears running down her face and the snot from her nose (crying is not the pretty stuff you seen in movies so don't let anyone tell you differently).

Fern grinned slightly, "See Candace? You would make a great leader. You're making speeches already."

I frowned and tousled his hair gently, "Shuttap..." But I have to admit - once I get past the fact that I do t want to do this - I would make a fine leader.

But I still don't want to.


End file.
